please let the cabin be okay.

So outside of waking up this morning to worry about if the cabin may burn down it was a really nice, quiet weekend.

Friday night we went over to Crystal’s birthday party, which was fun. There was so much tasty food too. We left early and got a very wound up Landon home and in bed. My boy is anything but shy, that’s for sure. He was playing with everyone, adults, kids, he didn’t care. He wrestled with complete strangers and generally had a blast. I was stressed that he was bothering people. I’m not someone who likes other people’s children hanging on me or climbing on me, especially kids I don’t know. (I’m good with all the Hench kids, but lets face it, all the Hench children belong to the Hench, so it’s all good.) I’m not a fan when a strange child tries to talk to me. It’s my own failing, I just don’t know what to say, and I feel inept, especially when the child does not have clear speech. (Landon isn’t clear to everyone, I know) So he had fun, but I was a little stressy, plus all the cheese chips and cheese dip and cheetos running around never help my stress level.

After the party, once Landon was in bed, we caught up on True Blood with Mel. Of course, since the new episodes air on Sunday, I’m behind again, but I really do like that show.

Saturday we relaxed. I read. Bobby played Champions Online. Landon ran around and played with his trucks when not playing with us. We hit Game Depot and had lunch at Spinato’s. We went for a swim in the pool, and Saturday night we watched some Eureka.

Sunday we also tried to stay low key, and outside of a trip to the grocery store, we hung out at home. I finished two books this weekend Lora Leigh’s “Bengal’s Heart” which was good and “Hunting Ground book 2 Alpha and Omega,” by Patricia Briggs. Hunting Grounds was AMAZING. I love this series. I highly recommend it.

Sunday night we had Laura and Dirk over for some amazing Steaks, and we spent some time playing Wii Resort.

It was nice to have some down time. Next weekend is a bit over planned, but should be fun. I’m trying to decide where Bobby and I should go. Monday is our 9th wedding Anniversary, and we have a date night set up for Sunday night. I wanted to plan something special, but all my special plans fell through. I’m not sure what we are going to do for our date. Any ideas?

I’m trying to locate an early place to get the standard flu shot, for everyone in the family. I’m still not sure on the swine flu shot. I think I’ll get it if I can, so that it can provide some extra protection for Oliver once he’s born. It’s the first vaccine I’m a little nervous on, because of the rush job getting it out. I always get annoyed that I can’t find a flu shot till the start of October, I’d like to get it in late September. Safeway is offering them now, but only with a prescription. Costco’s first local offering is Oct 2nd and my work should have them about that time too. I called ant put Landon “on the list” to get his. Between him being in school and exposing him to Oliver, I want to get us all covered before Oliver joins us. I’d really like to avoid the flu this year, what with the infant in the house.

The nursery is coming along. I just want it to be picture perfect for a few weeks BEFORE the baby shows up. I didn’t get to do that with Landon, since we were in the process of moving, and I never felt like his room was “complete,” until we moved him into the playroom. This is my last baby; I’d like his room to be complete. Basically at this point, I need a hook added to one wall, I’d like to add 2 or three shelves to the wall, and I need a changing table or dresser where we can change diapers.

A day at the park

	Hurry up Mom! Landon at Countryside Park 08/23/09
	push me higher! at Countryside Park 08/23/09
	I love the sand at Countryside Park 08/23/09
	dirt loves me at Countryside Park 08/23/09
	Lando and Dada work on a sand castle at Countryside Park 08/23/09
	Landon then smashes it at Countryside Park 08/23/09
	Build another one! at Countryside Park 08/23/09
	Time to clean up! at Countryside Park 08/23/09

Mom and Oliver 26 weeks 6 days pregnant at Countryside Park 08/23/09

Introducting Landon and Oliver

I created a blog for Landon and Oliver, and it’s where you will see future Landon letters posted, as well as pictures and other notes on Landon and Oliver’s adventures together.
You can view it here: http://landonandollie.wordpress.com/
check it for Landon’s three year Landon letter!

Landon letter 3 years

Dear Landon-

You are now just over three years old. At your three year well check visit you were 38 inches tall and you weighed 35 lbs. The doctor said you were right on track developmentally as well.

Since it’s been about four months since I’ve written a Landon letter, lets start with the big news. You are Potty Trained! It took a lot of work to get you there, but in the end, you did it! And before you turned three! We are very impressed with you. Peeing in the potty was never an issue, but Poop, oh my, the poop. You pooped everywhere, in your pants, on things, on the floor, anywhere but in the potty for almost a month. And then one day, “I put my yuckies in the potty!” And we’ve been doing good since then.

This is also good as you have started Preschool. Your first day was August third. Laura, who you still love very much, went back to school this semester, to complete her degree in Early Childhood Education, so that she can teach elementary school. This meant that you needed to go to a new place while Mom and Dad worked. You now go to preschool with your good friend Emily, and you seem to have a good time.

You started out in the two year old room as a Monkey, but after only one week of school, they decided you were advanced enough, and potty trained enough, to move you to the three year old room. You are now a Jaguar! We’ve had some back and forth with you and school. Some days, you get up excited to go, and can’t wait! Other days you cry and don’t want me to leave you. On the bright side, when Emily’s parents drop off Emily, they tell me you are happy and enjoying yourself. You always get a good report at the end of the day! Overall, I think it’s a really good thing for you.

We took one cabin trip to Payson in April where you were not feeling your best, and you spent most of the trip fussing. I was afraid you didn’t have fun, but as soon as we got home, you were asking to go back. We took another trip at the start of August, and you had a blast. You hiked on foot down to the waterfall with all the kids, forgoing the backpack we usually use to carry you down. You played in the water and were very happy for pretty much the whole trip. You are begging to go back already! I hope that your childhood will be filled with happy memories of your times in Payson.

We’ve been doing a lot of swimming this summer. You still can’t swim on your own, and at this point I’m thinking we will have to do more swim lessons next spring. You are very comfortable in the water, and will “monkey” around the sides of the pool by hanging on with your hands and feet. You also have an inner tube that you call part of your “swim suit” which you will wear, and you are more than happy to go anywhere in the pool with the inner tube on.

You have decided you don’t really like bath time. I’m not sure where this came from. You will ask to go “straight to bed” rather than be forced to take a bath. You will take a shower without too much fit throwing, but only if it’s AFTER we went swimming.

Speaking of bedtime, your favorite books right now include: The Goldbug book, The Monster at the End of this Book, Goodnight Gorilla, and anything involving trucks. You also really like Harold and the Purple Crayon. Your favorite TV shows right now include, “Max and Ruby,” “Wow Wow Wubbzy,” and “Harold and the purple crayon.” You like to watch episodes of “Mighty Machines” off of netfix, and your favorite movies are currently “Bolt,” and “Oliver and Company.”

We did have on interesting health issue with you this time around. Your Lymph Nodes became swollen, and it looked like you had two tennis balls or golf balls under your neck. It was a bit of a scare for us, but after some antibiotics, the swelling went away, and you’ve been fine since.

You still seem to have a pretty bad milk allergy, which made me nervous about sending you to preschool. Thankfully the preschool we take you to does not provide food, so I pack your lunch and snack. Everything gets labeled with your name, and a note that say you are allergic to Milk, Cheese, and Butter, and to not let you share foods. We are still hoping you out grow this allergy. I’ve been starting to explain to you about it, and about how milk will make you sick, but I don’t think you understand yet. When it comes to food, you are a picky eater, just like me, unfortunately. You prefer to eat either: Noodles, PB&J, Chicken Nuggets, cereal, or hot dogs. Sometimes you will eat other things, but not very often. You still call fruit snacks “bribes” and enjoy those. Your favorite drink is still soy, but you love Capri sun and juice boxes as well.

Your third birthday party was a blast. The only downside was that pretty much everyone who went to the party came home with a cold! What a parting party gift. Your birthday party was themed with Fire trucks. You dad made you an amazing fire truck cake, and there were firemen hats and decorations all around. A lot of people came and had fun at your party. For your birthday, your father and I gave you a learning laptop, designed for your age group. You seem to really dig this toy, and play with it all the time. You like to tell me that you just have to “check your computer” before we go somewhere. It’s adorable!

You’ve recently discovered a few things. One is that you get a reaction from people if you say, “I scared.” You like to tell me that you are “scared” of the air vent, or the ball, or whatever, mostly to get attention as far as I can tell. You don’t actually act scared of these things. There are only 2 things you are scared of, one is the dark. We went to the store and picked out a desk lamp for your night light. I put a 25 watt bulb in it and you have to have it on to sleep. We were using the hall light, but it shines in your room and ours. We would turn it off when we went to bed, as you were asleep, but if you woke up in the night, the dark would make you cry!

When you tell me you are scared, I try to dig deeper, but most of the time you can’t give me a reason. I tell you that you are a big boy and do not need to be scared. I tell you that you are brave. You like to tell me you are “too scared” to go to school sometimes. I’m not sure where you picked this up at. However, the other thing you are scared of is the vacuum cleaner. There is a broken one that has been sitting in the nursery. I was setting up the crib and moving things around in there, so I took it out of the nursery and left it in the hall. You came around the corner and saw it in front of your room and FREAKED out. You came to me crying, and begged me to put the vacuum cleaner “back in baby brothers room please?”

The past few days, you have started to say “please” and then put your hands up by your face and bat your eyes in an angelic pose. It cracks me up every time, but you tend to get your way when you ask like that!

You are pretty excited to become a big brother. We’ve been talking to you about Baby Brother for a while now. You understand that he has his own room. We told you his name is Oliver, and asked you to say Oliver. You respond with “All Over.” Thinking that perhaps the nickname “Ollie” might be easier for you, we tried that. You insist that your little brother should be called “WallE” not “Ollie.” To help you better pronounce the name, we bought you the Disney movie “Oliver and Company,” which you totally love. But you insist, it’s “All Over” and company.

And a couple of quick anecdotes from my blog over the last few months:

One night in April to tuck Landon into bed. Bobby had just finished the bath and books, even Good Night Moon (which we read every night). Bobby said everything was fine until he finished Good Night Moon. I went in to kiss Landon, and Landon said “I want the Bunny to go to Sleep!”
I was confused, we don’t have a bunny. I offered to re-read him Good Night Moon. He seemed happy about this idea. It wasn’t until the end of the book, when I realized what was wrong. See I’m the official Goodnight Moon reader. And Landon and I have an almost ritual about the way we read the book. I read some of it, but he reads some of it too. And at the very end of the book, on the last page, after I’ve said “Goodnight noises everywhere,” Landon will point at the Bunny in the book, who is all tucked into his bed, and Landon asks, “What’s that?”
And I reply, “It’s a little baby bunny who is going to sleep, just like Landon.”
And of course, Bobby didn’t know the script, and THAT’S why Landon was upset.

One night in June I went to tuck Landon into bed, and when I picked his pillow off the floor to put it on his bed, a spider ran across it. I tossed the pillow and let out a little scream. Then, remembering Landon was standing right there, acted perfectly calm, and had Bobby return to the room to take care of the spider while Landon and I read a book in the living room. Landon kept patting me on the shoulder and telling me, “It’s okay mama, dada has the pider now. Its okay.” It was too cute! And this coming from the kid who was so afraid of the grasshopper sitting by the pool that he wanted to stay in the deep end until Dada moved it away.

You are such a big boy, and you’re going to be an amazing older brother!

We love you so much.

Love,
Mom

Introducing Oliver (formally known as Bear)

Oliver (Bear)

More pictures!

Landon’s birthday, party, and a few others

Cabin Trip 8/1/09

Not the best weekend.

Friday night we got a babysitter (Thank You Courtney!) for a couple of hours and swung by Liz’s “I’ve got my master’s let’s watch Babylon 5 all weekend” party. It was a lot of fun, and we watched 2 episodes, had pizza and hung out for a bit. I really do need to watch all five seasons of this show at some point. Perhaps once my maternity leave starts.

Friday night we discovered Nigeria taking a turn for the worse, and Saturday morning had him put down, which was not fun. This left us in a sad place most of Saturday. We did make a trip out to see Grandma.

Sunday we got the crib set up, and made a Costco run. We also got in the pool both days this weekend.

Not a good weekend, but at least one without a lot of things planned. I got some sleep and, while I still have this freaking cold, it seems to be steadily improving each day.
This cold and being pregnant SUCK. Hardcore. It keeps lingering even after everyone else is well.

So depending on which Trimester Calculator you use, I’m entering the Third Trimester at some point in the next 7 days. (some say today, some say a couple of days ago, some say next Monday)

I’m really looking forward to having Oliver on the outside, once we reach full term. I keep wondering if he will be early or late. I’m also having “birth stress” in sense that I’m still unsure as to if/when to get the epidural. I have nothing against them, and with my lower pain tolerance, I expect I’ll want one, even though at the moment I don’t think I want one. My objection to them has more to do with the whole GIANT NEEDLE thing, and less to do with any desire to “woman-up” or to be all natural. I talked to my doctor about it, and he said that based on what he sees, I’ll probably end up with one. He fully supports me going natural (as do the midwives) but he said that in about 90% of his cases, when giving birth to the second child, having had an epidural with the first child, a woman will ask for the epidural again once in labor. I had and loved my epidural with Landon.

Going all natural does have a certain appeal, but given that the option for the epidural is right there, I’m not sure how long I’ll hold out. If the pain is anything like it was with Landon (at least once I had the Pitocin) then I’m getting the epidural. At the same time, I kinda do want to try and “hold out” or “wait and see” if I can go natural.

I suppose we shall see!

I should be starting my mat leave on Nov 1st. I’m trying to decide how many days a week Landon should go to preschool. Right now he goes 4 days, Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri. I plan to keep him in at least two days a week (Tues/Thurs) while on leave. I’m trying to decide if I should keep him in three. I do want him around while I’m on leave. I also want to get some time to spend with Oliver. And I think I may need nap time. Also, sending Landon to preschool costs money, and I won’t be bringing in any money for 12 weeks of my Mat Leave. ( I get like 6-8 weeks paid, then 12 weeks unpaid) Landon did cry at drop off today. I was told that’s sometimes a Monday thing with some kids.

Laura and Julia are throwing me a baby shower on Oct 17. They are doing the invites via email, so if you want to come, make sure I have your email address!!!

Oliver’s registry

RIP Nigeria, my hunter cat.

Well, Nigeria has been getting worse pretty steadily since Monday. He stopped eating on Tuesday, his color became more orange than yellow.
His condition has a 40%-50% survival rate, and over the last couple of days, I’ve been force feeding him, and forcing liquids, but he isn’t able to keep them down anymore. He’s throwing up his meds. His pain levels were increasing; he had become lethargic and unhappy.
The doctor feels that his prognosis is pretty bad at this point.
Nigeria is in pain, and he’s suffering, and there isn’t really anything further that can be done for him at this point. If we had unlimited funds, we might be able to save him, but chances are good that even with the best medical care, he wouldn’t make it at this point. We might be able to delay the inevitable for a few months with a costly regime of steroid shots, IV fluid, and antibiotics. There is a possibility that procedure which would run us well over $1,000 might save his life, but the survival rate of this surgery is also less than 50%.
So Nigeria was put down this morning that the vets office.
I got Nigeria in October 2006. He’s pretty much the same exact age as Landon. I got him out of newspaper in AJ that was advertising “Mousers.” Nigeria was never the most affection cat, but he and Landon developed a strange affinity for one another over the years. Nigeria is Landon’s cat. Nigeria sleeps in Landon’s room at night, and cuddles with Landon in the morning when Landon watches TV in the morning. He’s always been nocturnal, and a wonderful hunter. At the old house he took out bugs, scorpions, and centipedes without a second thought. He loves to be petted first thing in the morning, but would disappear during the day to rest up for a night of hunting.
He was a good cat who loves his family and protected us with his hunting. We all loved him.
He will be missed.

Rest in Peace Nigeria, my hunter.

Nigeria As a kitten, shortly after joining our home. Oct 06

	Nigeria Ever the vigilant hunter
	Nigeria on his last day 8/22/09
	Nigeria and Landon Nigeria’s last day 8/22/09

I said it when we had Spike put down. I’ll say it again.
My pets are like my children, but at the same time, the world doesn’t work that way. Pet insurance is very pricey, and doesn’t cover everything. With a person, you just keep trying. You have insurance, and in the end, no one expects you to ever stop trying. With a pet, it’s just not that way, even though I wish it was.
If I’d won the lottery this week, I’d keep trying. But I just don’t have the money, and he was in so much pain. I wish I could have done more for him.

So how did Landon’s third birthday go?

Well, Thursday night dinner was a blast. Landon enjoyed the carrot cake Laura made for him and Gyan to share.
Friday we took Landon to the McCormick-Stillman Railroad Park. Emily and her family, including Landon’s birthday buddy Gyan joined us. Landon and Emily had a blast riding the train. To me, the cutest part was when we would go through the tunnel. Landon loves this part, and he laughs and smiles and hollers as we drive through the tunnel. Emily, on the other hand, would freak out and cover her face. We’ve got some pictures of their totally opposite reactions over at picasa, see link below.

Of course, Landon isn’t always the brave one, Emily is much more daring on the playground equipment. She had a blast running across bridges and sliding down slides, while Landon has to be coaxed down a slide.

Overall, both kids, and I think all the adults had a blast. After the park, we had a birthday lunch out, and Landon and Emily sat next to one another and colored and played. Landon came home and took a good nap, and I let him open his presents when he woke up. Bobby and I had been debating what to get him. Bobby thought he would enjoy a Twist ‘n Ride, but I’d been wanting to get Landon a laptop type toy for a while now. He sees Mom and Dad at the computers all the time, and sometimes checks his imaginary computer before we leave the house. (Since Bobby and I both work from home on occasion, and when we do, we often tell Landon things like, “we’ll go get lunch after I check my computer,” or “we’ll go to the store after I check my computer”)

Anyway, Bobby’s mom beat us to the punch and got Landon a Twist ‘n Ride, so I hit the store and looked at the toy laptops. I settled on the Fisher Price Fun-2-Learn Color Flash Laptop because, unlike it’s slightly cheaper counterparts, it actually shuts down when you close the lid, and it had an okay volume control with 2 settings. We also got Landon a few cheap toy construction vehicles and some extra Diego track. Landon really seems to like the laptop. This morning it was time to go to school, and he told me he could only go, “after he checked his computer” so I let him play on it for a few minutes while I finished getting ready. He then went to school with very little issues today!

Friday night we went to Laura’s for Bobby’s game. We had a lot of fun, and Laura threw together a cake for Landon to be sung happy birthday on. (I’m a firm believer that on your actual birthday at some point, there must be fire, dessert, and singing, no matter how old you are.)

For Landon’s party, instead of goodie bags, I bought some nifty firefighter party hats, and I got some temporary tattoos of a fire truck and we had a mini tattoo parlor set up after gifts were unwrapped so the kids could get a tattoo, and many of the parents did as well. We were all part of the Fire truck Gang.
Overall, the party was a hit, and went pretty smoothly. I thought we had a few too many kids in the pool, but overall everyone had fun and no one drowned. We supplied chips, fruit, veggies, salsa, guacamole, humus, soda, and of course, cake. Everything was gluten and dairy free. I figured with the time of the party 3-5:30, I could skip providing dinner. I think it worked out well, although we ended up just snacking our way through dinner. Bobby made an AWESOME fire truck cake, be sure to check out the pics!

We served the cupcakes at just after 4pm, and opened presents after that. Then people started leaving, as Landon broke out his presents. He loved pretty much everything he got, I’ve yet to see him snub any present. He does like his twist ‘n ride a lot, but Bobby and I think he’s getting more fun out of the laptop.

Thank you to everyone who came and had fun at the party. I know Landon had a blast.

We had some people hang out until about 8pm, and then Mel hung out and watched True Blood with us.

Sunday was mostly a day of rest, except for getting the Sears photos done. I’d set us up with an 11AM appointment, planning to be the first ones in, so we would not have to wait. Alas, my plans were foiled by a busted camera in Room A, so they were basically double booked for Room B all day. This meant we waited about a half hour to get in to get the pictures done. Landon did very well and followed directions expertly. I think the pics turned out very cute, and they gave us a free portrait for our wait.

All the pictures from the weekend are posted here:

Landon's birthday, party, and a few others

I hope you check it out! There are some great ones!

Landon and I both seem to have a head cold, general sneezing, coughing, sore throat going on. I’ve got a bit of a headache too, but no fever. I slept for crap last night, but hey, that’s life.

I had an eye appointment today, and my eyes are slightly worse than last time, as always. They did say it could be the pregnancy, but I doubt it. I’m supposed to go back 6 months after I have the baby to see about checking my prescription. I swear they screw me every time I go in to get my eyes checked. They always charge me some stupid fee for a contact “fitting.” I don’t need them fitted, I’ve been wearing the same brand for years. Just order me what the last guy did!

Nigeria is doing much better overall, still slightly yellow tinged and scrawny, but acting more like himself. Columbia is much the same, but the doctors told us it would be at least 10 days, possibly a month before we saw improvement. She’s doing well overall though.

Bobby’s 95% sure we’re going with Oliver for the name. It’s starting to grow on me. Landon says “All Over” instead of Oliver.

I did take the GD test, Tiff sat with me, and it wasn’t too bad, thank goodness. Results should be in by the end of this week, and hopefully everything will be fine.

Less than 100 days to go!

pets, stress, glucose tests

Pet update is as follows: So the doctor actually called us Friday night to tell us that Columbia had tested positive for valley fever. They then gave me the number to a bunch of pharmacies to call and get prices, but all those places were already closed for the weekend.

So, thinking I’d like to start her on meds ASAP, I asked for the vet to call in a 10 day supply (20 pills) to Walgreens. I figured this would run us about $50. Instead they wanted $95. Bobby refused to pay. Saturday morning I discovered that Costco sells the drug, and that I can get 90 pills (45 day supply) for $39. So we got the prescription filled at Costco and started the meds on Saturday.

Nigeria doesn’t seem to be eating or drinking, or if he is, it’s not much. He’s mildly dehydrated. I’m force feeding him kitten formula twice a day and canned food once a day. I’m going to get some antibiotics from the vet today for him ($15) and see if that helps. There is a second drug they want him on, but I don’t know the dosage yet, and I’ll need to have it compounded at the apothecary shop. I should hopefully be able to get that tomorrow.

Friday night we played Rick’s game, and I fell asleep again. I can’t game past about 10pm it seems without dozing off, no matter how much I like the game. It’s sad. I remember doing this same thing when pregnant with Landon.

Saturday was a comedy of errors getting the prescription filled for Colo. Costco claimed the vet hadn’t called it in, even though the vet called me after they called it in and told me they had called it in. So after being told they didn’t have it, and me totally loosing it in Costco (hello pregnancy hormones) an hour later we called Costco to transfer the smaller (20 pill) RX from Walgreens to Costco, only to have the girl on the phone tell us that the Vet had called in the prescription. So I had to go back two hours later and talk to the same lady I was rude to and burst into tears in front of to pick up the meds.

We did have a nice lunch at Red Robin though. They sent me my birthday coupon for a free burger, and Landon’s birthday coupon for a free kids’ meal. Since our birthday are within 2 weeks of each other, they let us use both coupons. The only issue I had was that they wanted to bring us out sundaes even after I had already explained that Landon was allergic. At least we managed to stop them before they brought it out. It makes me sad too, because I love it when they do that at restaurants, with the singing and the free sugar. (I know, I’m weird)

Saturday evening we went over to Laura’s to see Sam and Becky, as they were are in town for a few days. It was great to catch up. When we were done with dinner, Mel followed us home for three episodes of Trueblood, so now I’m only one episode behind. I really like that show.

Sunday we hit Babies R Us, I wanted to see if they had the Joovy Caboose Stand On Tandem Stroller because I’m 95% sure I want that stroller for Landon and Oliver to share. They, of course, didn’t have it. Still it’s the one I want, so it’s on our registry

We also watched the newest The Fast and The Furious movie. I love me some Vin Diesel. It was a good movie and I enjoyed it. There are like 10 movies that just came out on video that I want to see, I’m so behind! We’re just too tired to manage.

On Friday they sent him home with some food in his lunch bag that was not his. This upset me as I worry that he could accidently be given something that does not belong to him and has milk in it. I talked to the head of the preschool today about it, so hopefully that will be that.

They are very impressed with Landon overall. His friend Emily is going to be promoted to the third year class tomorrow, as she turned 3 in May. Due to his level of development and basic knowledge, and the fact that he hasn’t had an accident at school yet, they are going to promote him to the third year class this week as well, starting tomorrow. Since he turns three on Friday, he’s only starting a couple of days early, but I’m happy they are willing to move him. I think the three year old room will be more his speed, and him and Emily being together is always a good thing. Beyond that it’s cheaper. I’m a little worried about moving him so soon, but I’d rather do it with Emily than by himself later.

Landon does not want to go to school. I keep hoping it will get better. Friday was bad, but today was worse. He didn’t want to wake up, he didn’t want to get out of bed, he didn’t want to get dressed, he didn’t want to pee in the potty, etcetera.

He basically cried from the moment he found out we were going to school, until I pried his little hands off me and left him at preschool. I felt MISERABLE doing it. I tried to get him to calm down, I stayed and sat with him for a few minutes and rocked him. I read him a book. In the end, I was already running about 15 minutes late when we got to preschool just from fighting him all morning to get him out the door. I spent about 10 minutes in class with him, and I finally just had to go.

I hate leaving him crying.

It makes me just want to cry too. It makes me worried that the choices I’ve been happy with, and that Landon seemed happy with, aren’t the right ones. I like working. I like Landon going to school. I want what’s best for Landon, and I don’t think me being a SAHM mom is the best solution for any of us. But days like this, I wonder. And not having a childcare choice set up for Oliver makes me wonder even more. Add on to that the whole work laying me off and my upward mobility choices right now within the company, I don’t necessarily think I’m going to be with this company much longer.

I’m not sure what to do. I feel very conflicted and upset and depressed and stressed right now. Between the pets deciding to get sick at the same time, all the appointments, the pregnancy, Bobby’s work being a PITA, and Landon hating school, I just want to throw in the towel, curl up in bed, and cry for a month. Is there such a thing as pre-partum depression? I’m starting to wonder.

I am so stressed about the Glucose testing that I don’t have words for it, hanging out for an HOUR at the lab is not something anyone (including me!) has time to do. That also means an hour of sitting in the lab knowing that I’m going to have a blood draw, and that suspense will make me so ill. I don’t think I can do this. What type of mother am I when I can’t even do this? I really don’t think I can do this.

Bobby and I spent a lot of time this weekend talking about names. Actually, Saturday afternoon we spent about 2 hours with a group of people at Laura’s brainstorming and stuff. Bobby still likes the name Oliver best. I’m still not sold. Let’s give it a week or two.

One of the nicknames for Oliver that we like is Ollie. We tried to get Landon to say Ollie. He says WallE.