sleep sleep
chill'n chill’n
1st bath 1st bath
grandma gave lan his 1st bath on 8/26/06
after 1st bath after 1st bath
grandma drys him off 8/26/06

Landon Pictures

I’m done breast feeding.
I can’t tell you what a relief it was to finally decide that.
There was a ton of guilt and tears that went into that choice, and its not something I decided lightly.
I plan to keep pumping after every feeding. But if my supply dries up, then its formula.
I’ve got around 80 oz in the freezer. He eats about 3-4 oz a feeding.
Basically, he doesn’t want to breastfeed. I’m sick of fighting him. I’ve been to two LCs, both of whom have said I’m doing everything right, and can’t pin down a reason for Lan’s resistance to breast feeding.
Last night (weds) I feed him pumped milk from a bottle all night and pumped after each feeding. I noticed my supply was going down, but baby was happy, healthy, and wonderful all night.
So today I put him to breast, and he ate! I thought perhaps our issues were behind us. But each feeding was more difficult, leading up to his 7pm feeding.
See, we went to Laura’s, but given the difficulty I’ve been having feeding him, we ducked out around 6:45 so as to get him home to feed him.
I put him to boob, and he ate for a good 10 minutes, along with some time fighting. Then I put him to other boob and had similar results.
After he popped off and wouldn’t go back on, I set him down. A few minutes later he was completely freaking out, screaming, rooting around like he was starved. So I repeated the process, and he did the same thing.
The whole process took over an hour, with him latching about 1/3 of that and actually eating. If I put him on and he latches and goes to town, normally its about 15 minutes to feed him. So he was on the boob for 20-25 minutes of good sucking. I take him off, and 5 minutes later, he’s back to the screaming and rooting routine. I went and warmed him up 2.5 oz of expressed milk, and he ate all of that, and was fine, happy, wonderfully cute, and sweet baby.
I don’t know why he won’t feed directly from the boob. I pumped a few hours after that and got about 12 oz, so it wasn’t my supply.
All I know is that breastfeeding is making Landon unhappy, and not nourishing him. It’s making me feel like a failure, and making me very depressed, stressed, and unhappy. It’s also making me feel trapped, as I can’t nurse outside the privacy of our home or someone’s home, nursing in public is right out, as it takes over an hour and we fight and struggle for that time.
So I’m done. I feel bad about it. But at the same time, I feel like such a weight has been lifted.
The most important thing is that Landon is healthy and happy, and that he is getting enough food.

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So it’s been hit and miss today with nursing. I have gotten him to latch and feed a few times with no problems, and a few times with issues. I’ve given him 2 bottles in the last 24 hours, although all breast milk.
Went to the lactation consultant today. That was a waste. She basically said I’m doing everything right, and my son is just stubborn. That he gets frustrated and that’s when he starts fighting me.
I have been vacillating between feeling pretty good and feeling pretty bad. I haven’t wanted to answer my phone today, its just seemed like too much effort, so I finally shut the stupid thing off. I apologize if I missed a call from you!
The actual outing to the consultant went well, actually, in the sense that I now feel confidant that if I needed to run to the store, I could do it. However, that doesn’t mean it was a fun trip. The LC was in Gilbert.
Landon is doing well other than our nursing issues. He is just so amazing and cute! I am totally in love with him. I can’t believe how amazing he is.
The house building is not going well at the moment. I’m crossing my fingers that it will be ready by Sept 7th, but I have a feeling it’ll be more like the 15th. We’ll manage, we have a place to stay, so I’m trying to just relax and go with the flow on this issue. The house will be done when it’s done.
Next week I am hoping to have the energy to start a light workout routine of some sort. I’ve got some preggo weight I want to lose.

Landon’s umbilical cord fell off today! It happened (thankfully) at the doctor’s office, so the doctor looked at it and told me everything was healthy.
She thinks we might have Thrush. Basically Landon is refusing to breast feed. I’ve been pumping, but I’m worried about dwindling supply. I’ve got an appointment with a lactation consultant tomorrow at 3 in Gilbert. It’ll be Landon and my first outing without daddy. I’m a little nervous about it.
Basically we went from a good latch and no issues to him refusing to latch. We fought at 3 feeding for over an hour to get a latch, him screaming the entire time. He would finally latch and suck for about 10 minutes, then push and struggle away from the breast again, and wouldn’t take more. I couldn’t take the screaming. I’d been pumping some anyway, so we just poured it into a bottle for him. He drinks it like a champ from the bottle.
I seem to have baby blues as well, I want to cry, and the breast feeding thing makes it worse.
The good news is that Lan is gaining weight just fine, he’s eating from the bottle just fine, the doctor says that he seems healthy and wonderful.
The most important thing is that he is healthy. If that means we end up on formula, so be it, it’s not the end of the world. At least that’s what I keep trying to tell myself.

Landon David Mayer
Born 8/14/06
9lbs 1 oz
21.5 Inches long


Landon 8/14/06 at about 30 seconds old.

First check up First check up

Again, right after he was born. Apagars were 9/9! 8/14/06

one of me one of me

This was after we got moved upstairs. 8/15/06

Daddy day 3 Daddy day 3

The flowers are from my mom. 8/16/06


Landon did not like his car seat. 8/16/06

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