I still dream of you

I had a dream last night that I took Landon to Disneyland with my Dad.  We had a wonderful time riding rides and talking.  Landon and my dad got along so wonderfully.

I woke up in a good mood, until that feeling of wrongness and confusion set in a few minutes after I awoke.  Then it dawned on me, as it always does after I dream of my dad.  It always feels like a punch to the guts, when I remember that he’s gone, that it was just a dream.

One of the things that makes me miss my dad more than anything is knowing that Landon and Ollie don’t get to meet him.  That they won’t have any childhood memories of playing with my dad.

Daddy died nine years ago, and most of the time, it’s not a big deal anymore.  I can talk about him, miss him, all sorts of things without worry or heartache.

But dreaming about him always makes me miss him so bad, its like a mini dose of losing him all over again.

Advertisements

3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. angie
    Aug 09, 2010 @ 07:49:24

    Dreams are cruelly wonderful, aren’t they? You get a glimpse, a feeling, of what it was like when they were still alive…but then you’re out of the dream and in the reality of it.

    I think, despite the pain of waking up, that I wouldn’t trade the mini-glimpses, though. It’s not either of my parents that have died, but my grandparents whom I loved dearly. I know my dad goes through the same thing, and my mom – though she rarely dreams – dreams of her mother every once in awhile.

    Reply

  2. Aspen
    Aug 09, 2010 @ 13:14:29

    I hear you. I struggle with infertility so for me the worst dreams are the ones where I have a baby. Its the worst feeling when I wake up and realize it was just a dream.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: