I’m already fighting second thoughts about the whole returning to work thing. I thought I was okay with it, and the money is great. But I just keep thinking of all the time that I won’t be with Landon, and it makes me sad. I mean, I KNOW women who are already back at work, and I can’t imagine it. I can leave him alone; I don’t have to be with him 24/7 or anything. Still, even leaving him 4 days a week is going to be hard. And I’m leaving him with a trusted friend, instead of complete strangers, like most women do.
Bobby joked that he would say “Laura” before he said “Mommy” and that made me want to cry. I do worry about things like that though. When he cries, I want him to come to me (or Daddy) to be comforted, not Laura, not Grandma, not someone else. I want to be the one to feed him his first foods, watch him take his first steps, and all that. What if I am at work the day he suddenly decides to toddle about the room for the first time?
I need to go back to work, and I know that it’s the smart thing to do. I am even, on a professional level, excited about the job, and proud about the offer. BUT part of me just wants to be there for Landon!
I never planned to be a SAHM forever, just until our kid/s started elementary school, instead, I got this great offer. Do I be a mom, and kill my professional career? Or do I go back to work and try to do both?
The answer for now is that I go to work, but it sucks.

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