I’m done breast feeding.
I can’t tell you what a relief it was to finally decide that.
There was a ton of guilt and tears that went into that choice, and its not something I decided lightly.
I plan to keep pumping after every feeding. But if my supply dries up, then its formula.
I’ve got around 80 oz in the freezer. He eats about 3-4 oz a feeding.
Basically, he doesn’t want to breastfeed. I’m sick of fighting him. I’ve been to two LCs, both of whom have said I’m doing everything right, and can’t pin down a reason for Lan’s resistance to breast feeding.
Last night (weds) I feed him pumped milk from a bottle all night and pumped after each feeding. I noticed my supply was going down, but baby was happy, healthy, and wonderful all night.
So today I put him to breast, and he ate! I thought perhaps our issues were behind us. But each feeding was more difficult, leading up to his 7pm feeding.
See, we went to Laura’s, but given the difficulty I’ve been having feeding him, we ducked out around 6:45 so as to get him home to feed him.
I put him to boob, and he ate for a good 10 minutes, along with some time fighting. Then I put him to other boob and had similar results.
After he popped off and wouldn’t go back on, I set him down. A few minutes later he was completely freaking out, screaming, rooting around like he was starved. So I repeated the process, and he did the same thing.
The whole process took over an hour, with him latching about 1/3 of that and actually eating. If I put him on and he latches and goes to town, normally its about 15 minutes to feed him. So he was on the boob for 20-25 minutes of good sucking. I take him off, and 5 minutes later, he’s back to the screaming and rooting routine. I went and warmed him up 2.5 oz of expressed milk, and he ate all of that, and was fine, happy, wonderfully cute, and sweet baby.
I don’t know why he won’t feed directly from the boob. I pumped a few hours after that and got about 12 oz, so it wasn’t my supply.
All I know is that breastfeeding is making Landon unhappy, and not nourishing him. It’s making me feel like a failure, and making me very depressed, stressed, and unhappy. It’s also making me feel trapped, as I can’t nurse outside the privacy of our home or someone’s home, nursing in public is right out, as it takes over an hour and we fight and struggle for that time.
So I’m done. I feel bad about it. But at the same time, I feel like such a weight has been lifted.
The most important thing is that Landon is healthy and happy, and that he is getting enough food.

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